The Goodbye Tour in Austin

 Salut Mihica,

Sometimes the most awkward and chaotic time can be right after you graduate. Maybe like me, not everyone you know is graduating or already has. May is definitely a chaotic month here in Austin. West Campus empties, with cars on the street parking for weeks on end as everyone moves out.

This year classes and the semester ended early. Graduation was on the first Saturday of May, highly unusual for the calendar. Classes commenced in the second week of January, as opposed to the usual Tuesday after Martin Luther King Jr. Day, shifting the entire schedule forward a week. It meant Spring Break happened, and then like... 4 (?) weeks until classes were over. I'm going on my usual tangent, but it has led to my current circumstances which is this unusual May transition.

Currently, I am on what I call my "Goodbye Tour" which is not all that long. As I said, everyone is moving around, packing up, and leaving at different times. It's a most peculiar feeling, now each time I see all my friends and acquaintances; I'm most hyper-aware of each goodbye when we part. What do I say? "See you in two years?!" But will I? I don't intend on moving back to Austin for graduate school.

For people within my major and field of study, International Relations, and the adjacent Government, Economics, Asian Studies, and other studies all lead to one place: Washington DC. Half of the people in the Clements Center, which I am (was?) a fellow for, are hiking it up to DC this summer. Everyone is working in a think-tank or has a hilternship. With DC as the core, it means most of my friends, I will see again. Everyone I know and their mom is studying for the LSAT this summer and the next year, and lawyers like to hang around Chicago and NYC (I think- I didn't watch enough Suits). As government/IR college graduates, we all most likely will gravitate towards the New England and Atlantic coast for work. We'll travel around the world of course, but DC has become our base of operations.

With that, it is easy in some ways to say goodbye to friends. I'll see them soon enough. I used to try to have the mentality I have with you, Mihica, the "see you soon". But truthfully, we can't remain friends with everyone, separation, and distance is so natural. I can't deny that it's incredibly scary. There is a profound part of me that is grieving, grieving the loss of my friend group. We're together in this moment, in this space, and even if we all see each other in the future, it won't and can't be the same. I'm fortunate to have a large group of 20 some people who all like to party together and are different degrees of friends with each other. In addition, my friends I have had since I joined college and the new ones I've made that I mourn not having enough time with. It will never be like this again, and there is a part of me that is sad about that. In the future, we can see our college friends, invite them to our weddings, move in with them, connect/network, and get lunch with them, but it won't be the same. We all disperse, going off into the world. The transition happens to everyone, and I'm stuck in the moment watching it very very slowly unfold.

So each goodbye happens. Even with acquaintances, it can hurt, sometimes even more, because the likelihood of staying close is much smaller. As my friend said, "You'll see them on Instagram," which she was right about. Most people can't have 20-30 best friends or even 20-30 close friends; we are unable to distribute our time, effort, and emotional intimacy like that. My friends I have now will become "catch-up friends", people whose lives I scarcely orbit and maybe text once a month or once a year, no longer friends I study in the Dies Center with for hours on end.

It's more difficult obviously when you are going abroad. Most people I know are staying in Austin, moving up to DC, or going to graduate school (some in Austin, some elsewhere). I think about what it would be like to stay in Austin, stay right after. Nothing changes much. I have lots of friends who are working in Austin for the foreseeable future, and my sister is staying at Baylor for graduate school. When I approach them and ask them how they are feeling, they seem, not indifferent, but nothing much is truly different. They still see their friends, they still follow their routines, and are around their favorite breakfast and dinner places. I sometimes envy the appeal of that. Change is so so hard.

I don't think I've fully emotionally processed leaving, and as each day crawls closer, it feels even harder and harder. I feel sometimes on autopilot when I pack. The questions creep up. I'm moving out soon, so I can't pack until I go back to Houston where the rest of my clothing, and suitcases all are. Have I ordered enough? Do I know all the Cyrillic letters so I don't panic when I get to Bishkek? Ughhhh...

This is the part Mihica where you would ask what exactly I've been up to.
It's only when I'm leaving Austin that I feel as if I'm ~truly~ seeing it, which sounds a little pretentious. I've lived here for three years, and yet, it feels like I've been circling the same eight blocks the whole time, between 28th St and W Martin Luther King Blvd. During my time in college, I had only seen some highlights of the city, but as the weeks left slowly dwindled, I dedicated myself to seeing more. My friends took my Austin Bucket list up to task, and between my three besties Macy, Celeste, and Lulia, I've gotten to see so much. So, besides saying goodbye to my friends, I'm also saluting the city I've called home for so long.

It started two months ago when I was looking at art as the art museum fanatic I am, and I realized I had yet to see the Harry Ransom Center or the Blanton Museum, both icons on campus. I saw the LBJ Presidential Library and Museum during my sophomore year, as I had a class next to the building. The Harry Ransom Center, for the uninitiated, holds the first photograph and a copy of the Gutenberg Bible. The building itself isn't particularly fancy or big but worth going to.

Regarding the Blanton... ohhhh, there's a story. So, I went with my friend Macy back in April. It has been under construction for a long time, as the entire Austin Capitol area has. The area in front of the Capitol has been since I moved in during COVID in the fall of 2020, and to be honest, I didn't think it would be done before I graduated. I was right! It had its grand reopening a week after :/ . When I first went with Macy, we saw 60% of the museum, before we walked into the European Art section, both of our favorites as we are Baroque Art girlies, the fire alarm sounded. Yes, indeed there was a fire in the Blanton at noon on Good Friday while it was drizzling outside.

She and I of course went back. We also took a tour of the Austin Botanical Garden by Zilker Park, because I am a sucker for a botanical garden. We also went thrift shopping, where I got my first set of professional work clothing I would need for Peace Corps, in addition to shoes. She and I, being non-car-owning girlies, took great advantage of the Austin public bus, which I give a solid 3/5 stars.

Celeste and Lulia with their cars were an entirely different experience. Celeste and I went to Book Woman, an independent (and progressive!) book store stocked with (mostly) female authors, tried Tysons, a taco restaurant, Mozart's, an Austin famous outdoor cafe (and study spot) with live performers (when we went there was jazz!), and Book People (oh look another independent book store). We also went country dancing at Mavericks, an open country bar, and club on their 18+ night. With Lulia, I went to the Domain and Barton Creek, two large shopping malls, Cidercade, a large arcade and bar, Glorias (a Tex-Mex restaurant with excellent bean and salsa dip), Punch Bowl, a restaurant with bowling, shuffleboard, and darts, and Maggiano's (a super high-end Italian place where, with Macy, we split an entree, a starter, and a pasta).

On the day of my commencement, in the afternoon, I finally went to Barton Springs, an iconic Austin city pool, which was amazing due to the sweltering heat. Only at the end did I finally get to see Austin, and I envy some of my friends who took me and who I dragged along for the time they will get.

It's not just the big stuff that I will miss. For the last year, I have walked by several high-rise construction projects on the Drag and 21st St, and I will not be here long enough to see it open. The closing and reopening of the road has plagued my time here. The computer lab that closed in the PCL (Perry-Castañeda Library) which we all sat in for a whole semester will not reopen until I leave. So, this is my ending of course in this city, but it will continue its work, just the same with everyone else.

When I say goodbye, I either mean two things. 1) Goodbye for now- I will see you again, and I will move hell and high water to make sure I do. I'll reorganize my flight arrangements, I'll sleep on your couch, I'll see you in DC, I'll Facetime and call you weekly or monthly. I love you. Or 2) Goodbye and thank you. I will see you on Instagram and occasionally make funny reactions, like your posts, and congratulate you as you move through your milestones in life. Thank you forever for the time I had with you, even if I know seeing you in person will be difficult or impossible. I will look back at this time and at the person I was then, and even if we become no longer close or drift apart, I was happy and treasure the memories. Thank you.

I have one or two goodbyes left and those are always the hardest. I'm definitely going to cry Macy and Celeste. Sorry in advance.

I'll update you soon Mihica! *Hearts*
À Bientôt,
​Grace